Billy Bunter's Bargain by Frank Richards

Published by Cassell and Co March 1958

Illustrated by CH Chapman.  

This volume boasts, perhaps, one of Chapman’s worst cover illustrations ever. An obscenely fat Bunter is pictured sprawled against a bizarre midget oak tree, surrounded by the debris from a spread. Many artists have trouble with hands, but, here, Bunter’s look positively deformed.

This is a book often mentioned by Bunter enthusiasts as one of the better ones. It came out in March, 1958, and cost a whopping eight shillings & sixpence.

          Certainly, it has a busy plot.

One of the funniest & best-written Magnet “singles,” was “All Through Bunter.” This was the story of how Bunter acquired a new armchair for his study, and the hidden wealth it turned out to contain. (Magnet 1311)

            With certain variations, this is a re-write of that story.

            We are introduced to Teddy Dexter, described by Frank Richards as a teddy boy. Apparently, to Hamilton, the term teddy boy referred to any feckless, jobless youth. The term also instantly dates the book. In fact the Teds, who had emerged a few years earlier with the advent of rock’n’roll to the UK were, in the most part, not only smartly dressed, but, in full time employment. They wore drain-pipe trousers, tailored jackets, and favoured a quiffed hairstyle commonly known as a “DA.” (Duck’s arse!)

            Teddy Dexter, however, is renting a room at Mr. Joyce’s cottage. Harry Wharton & Co. are enjoying a cycle ride, when it starts to rain. Naturally, they seek sanctuary at the nearest house; in this case the home of Mr. Joyce. No one being in, they naturally affect an entry. “Old Joyce won’t mind.” They never learn do they? In the past, upon entering somebody else’s property in order to avoid getting wet they have invariably encountered trouble. This has included German spies, kidnappers, bank-robbers, a mad professor, or a beak anxious to remain out of the public eye. Later, it was nazi spies. So, here, in 1958, it is the bad-tempered teddy boy who arrives home and finds the house crowded with Greyfriars men. Turning nasty, he soon discovers he is no match for Bob Cherry in the fistical line!

            Having introduced an original, novel twist, the story soon returns to familiar territory. An elderly man, labouring along with his bicycle, spurns Cherry’s offer of help, leaving the good-natured Bob feeling offended.

            The study armchair in number seven has finally collapsed under Bunter’s weight.

            Wharton is detained with an impot. Bunter is seeking to borrow £2 to purchase another armchair from Mr Lazarus. Whilst Wharton is detained, his four chums, & Bunter are outside Mr Lazarus’s shop in Courtfield when the grumpy old man with the bicycle appears.

            Suddenly, showing remarkable speed & fitness he smash’s the shop window, & grabs a handful of valuables, before speeding off on his bicycle.

            Wharton, meanwhile, having completed his impot is on his way to join his chums. The escaping thief crashes into him on his bicycle, knocking Wharton flying. The thief’s jigger, being damaged, &, his beard having come off, he threatens the startled Wharton with a cosh, and makes off on his bicycle.

            Later, Mr Joyce, tired of his non-paying lodger, kicks him out, and sells up his property. Bunter, relying on Mr Joyce’s trust, “purchases” Dexter’s armchair, promising to pay later when a certain postal order has arrived.

            Dexter, meanwhile, discovers that although he can punch Bob Cherry, or Billy Bunter, he cannot strike an officer of the law. P C Tozer, the local police force of Friardale, although often portrayed as rather a comic book figure is certainly no poltroon. Upon Dexter punching him, he immediately retaliates, and marches the teddy boy off to the lock-up. Where, later, he is jugged for assaulting a police officer!

            Upon his release, a number of strange happenings occur. Smithy, breaking bounds at night, encounters a mysterious prowler. The news that Dexter is trying to communicate with Greyfriars fellows comes to Quelch’s ears, and strict orders are given. Why is Dexter so willing to buy his old armchair back at more than double the price? A window is smashed at Greyfriars and a bogus glazier appears to mend it.

            Mr Lazarus is relaxed about his robbery. At least he was insured against such a loss. Poor old Mr Joyce had no insurance, merely a “promise” from Billy Bunter that he would be paid for his armchair. Eventually!

            Finally, after the unfortunate Mr Dexter has been butted in the breadbasket, and laid out by Billy Bunter’s bullet head, the solution is arrived at. On this occasion it is Harry Wharton who “thinks it out.”

            At last, justice is done, & Mr Joyce can be paid, all thanks to Billy Bunter’s Bargain.